Zak was looking for a new place to live, having outgrown his current flat-share arrangements: It’s fine when you are a student to live amongst the airing smalls of your peers, on a sofa the back of which has been eaten by mice, but there comes a time when one must move on to new levels of sophistication. The urge for a fridge of his own, in which he had no need to label his yoghurts, really overcame him when he achieved the sort of promotion which might have led to swooning, had he been the type. Zak’s reaction to the news, though, was to leg it down to the local estate agent’s offices the moment he was free.
The window was full of exciting photographs: Zak gazed at it, mesmerised, until he eventually realised that it was the window of a rather specialist nightclub. The estate agent’s, Roger M Furmleigh, was next door.
Its window was also full of photographs, and though interesting, lacked some of the more unusual features he had spotted in the previous window.
He went inside (the estate agent’s office – he would leave the other place til later).
There was a big desk in the centre, with a computer on it, and piles of paper, but no-one around. He slid into the chair in front of it and waited. After a moment a curvaceously scrumdunctious woman burst into the office from a back room carrying a sheaf of papers. She headed towards him, wearing a smile and a badge which read “Make yourself at HOME”. She was breathtakingly breathy, with a sort of south facing outlook and all mod cons. She looked well-maintained, but with no more than a lick of paint across her lips. There was evidence of lacey underpinning to support the upper storey which jutted out; but this would not deter a man of Zak’s stripe. Indeed Zak caught himself wondering if she had exposed beams.
As she got near, the papers, of their own volition, dispersed themselves in a cascade across the desk and floor. With an exclamation she crouched to gather them up. Some landed on the floor near Zak, so he bent down to help. As he leaned forward below the desk, he found himself face to calves with the woman, who, above the desk was introducing herself as Hetty.
Hetty was thanking him for helping her with the papers, but he didn’t hear, being mesmerised by the sight of her nervously crossing and uncrossing her legs at close quarters. Especially as they finished up uncrossed… Zak realised he should stand up soon, or face the double consequence of seeming weird, and having a semi- which was not detached
“Can I help you?” Hetty asked, and Zak rustled the papers he had rescued to cover both confusion and trouserage.
Zak nodded.
“OK. Well first of all, what sort of thing are you looking for?”
Zak was not sure exactly, never having been in this position before. He had, in point of fact, been in many positions, but during none of them had she been considering a mortgage.
“Well, this is my first time, so something small and easy to manage would be good”
“What areas are you interested in?”
Zak wasn’t really sure. Hetty reassured her that she covered ALL areas.
“I’ll tell you what” she said “I’ll get some details out on a range of properties and you can see if anything takes your eye”. With that, she reached down and began rifling through her drawers.
After a moment Hetty sat up with a sheaf of details in her hand.
“I’ve got quite a big wad for you”
Zak slid his chair forward under the desk for discretion. That was normally his line
“These are the new ones which came in over the last few days” She spread them out on the desk in front of Zak “point to anything takes your fancy, and then I’ll have an idea what you’re after”
There was silence for a little while as Zak considered this offer. After a few moments he realised he should be looking at the estate agent details. He was determined to concentrate.
There was a pause, then Hetty said gently: “I’m used to dealing with first time buyers. Would you like me to make some suggestions?” He nodded eagerly
“Position is important. You want a good position” Zak agreed with that
“These are my best positions”. Hetty pushed some options forward. They both leaned forward to look at them, her eyeline flitting upwards regularly to take in Zak’s chest, which was hugged in a rather nice shirt, the buttons of which pulled apart slightly as he moved, revealing just enough chest hair to signal both his hormones….and Hetty’s.
After a moment’s thought (during which she nibbled at her lip in a way which made Zak’s toes curl slightly under the desk – and parts of him uncurl as well ) she pointed to one and said “This one really is just a one bed flat, even though it’s got a massive frontage”
“Yes!” exclaimed Zak.
Hetty leaned forward on her folded arms, her bosumptage resting temptingly in Zak’s eyeline. “And it’s ready to go
“Yes, I noticed that one… I was taken with the frontage myself”. He spoke as an expert
“Tell me about it” asked Zak
“Well, it’s a few years old but it’s been very well looked after. It’s got a lovely big balcony – beautiful view. If you like that sort of thing? I know I do”
He nodded
“I’ll be honest, the interior could do with a little bit of work. Mostly just a touching up, but the main room could do with getting plastered”
“Anything major?” he asked?
“How are you in the kitchen?” she asked
“In what way?”
“Do you spend a lot of time there? Are you keen?”
Zak nodded. He was very keen
“Hmmm. Might need more than a lick in there then.”
This did not put him off. As he examined what was on offer, he found himself underpinning his hopes on a closer look at this property.
Zak noticed that Hetty seemed nearly as excited as he was; there was a flush to her soft cheeks as unlike a toilet as to be quite beguiling. “Look at this photo of the main entrance, it’s really lovely”
She turned over the page of details and pointed
Zak agreed. “I like the welcome mat”
“But does it have any garden?”
“Yes” Hetty assured him. There’s a shared area, so if you’re keen you can get a bit of gardening in the parsley patch”
“So if I went for it, how quickly could I get in?” Zak asked.
“Hetty smiled “I think this one can move very fast, if you can. I’d advise a full survey at the earliest opportunity”
Zak was so keen to proceed that they went ahead for the full survey that very day. And if Zak was charmed by the welcome mat, he went on to be delighted by the entrance hall (which was the perfect size) and found the balcony everything he could have dreamed of. And he was absolutely fine about the bit of touching up required – in fact he enjoyed it immensely.
He felt as though he had been given the keys to a kingdom