Gwendoline was not really interested in computers: in her view they were tools, like the men who worked on them. But unfortunately she was obliged to use one for her work, and so when it went wrong, she had to admit such men were useful.
The local branch of Overbyte was quiet when she went in. Aware of her inadequacies with modern electronics, she tried to enter unobserved. This was a doomed plan from the start: the staff of Overbyte were overwhelmingly male, each of their customers also tended to be overwhelmingly male. Gwendoline, on the other hand, was overwhelmingly female, and as she crossed the floor from door to counter, several pairs of eyes were drawn, by the delightfully refreshing tic-tic of stilettos, to watch her closely. It was time well spent: she was dressed in clothes which seemed to have shrunk in the wash but were gamely trying to do their duty. The watching men longed to say to them “Just relax, have a break. We’ll take it from here” By the time she reached the counter, however, they all seemed to be staring intently at their work… though buoyed up (or was that “boyed up”?) by the sight of Gwendoline’s overwhelming female attributes.
One member of staff, his member like a staff, greeted her with a broad smile and some subtle readjustments below counter level.
“What can I do for you?” he asked, the answers already blazing in his head.
Gwendoline tossed back her mane of auburn hair: when nervous she always impersonated shampoo adverts; she found it reassuring.
“I don’t know where to start…” she whispered shyly. Again, the staff member could have answered that for her, but he let her make the running.
“You have a problem with your computer?”
“Yes, I do”
Well, that was clear enough. It should be plain sailing from here on.
“I’m not very good with computers…” she said, her voice trailing away. “I’m hopeless with gadgets really” she paused, then corrected herself “well I have SOME gadgets which I am fine with…I know how all the buttons and things work…” she paused again, going just a teensy bit pink
“But not computers.”
The man laughed, and introduced himself as Sven. This wasn’t his name, but he found it worked better with women than Norman
“Well Sven, I can’t get it to do anything I want”
Sven looked surprised: she could have got HIM to do pretty much anything
“So is the screen locked up?” he asked
“No” She looked puzzled. “I just leave it on the desk. Is that wrong?”
“I mean does it not respond when you press anything?”
“That’s the problem Sven. No response no matter where I press.” She looked up at him, her huge blue eyes and softly pouting lips reminding him of the things he had been looking at on HIS computer just before she walked in
“…and I’m not used to that”
“I can imagine!” Sven exclaimed. “I suppose you’ve tried turning it off?”
Gwendoline gave him a firm stare from under her lashes. “Of course” she replied. She didn’t want to be taken for THAT much of a fool
“And have you – ”
“I’ve turned it on, yes” she said, with slow emphasis. “I know how to do that”
She let a little smile escape her lips: It crossed the desk at a fast run and jumped into Sven’s arms, where it made itself at home and Sven vowed to keep it as a pet.
“Yes, you certainly do, madam!”
In answer to his question about the model, Gwendoline drew a piece of paper from her pocket, on which she had written all the details. She pushed it across the counter, anxiously
“Are you any good with these?”
Sven smiled reassuringly: he was getting into his stride here; on surer ground.
“Oh yes. Well, I’m pretty experienced with all kinds, but I could tell you a tale or two about these babies”
“Really?” Gwendoline’s eyes opened wider than ever
“Oh yes! Some of the guys [he waved his arm to indicate the other members of staff] just deal with the front end stuff”
“Is that so?” she asked innocently
“Yes. They just do the simple stuff. But me, well I do the lot. Suppose – just suppose, that this turned out to be hard drive trouble -”
Gwendoline looked alarmed “Hard drive?”
“Yes. Are you familiar with a hard drive?”
There was an awkward pause. Gwendoline was unsure how to answer the question, but Sven seemed so helpful
“I’ve had a few” she said eventually “Could they have damaged the computer?”
There was another pause. Sven stared at the ceiling for a long moment whilst he waited for his thoughts and other parts to settle. Gwendoline was looking at him, one hand pressed anxiously to her chest, which rather than concealing seemed to amplify her volumpty distractions. Below her hand the orboids heaved with concern.
“As I said, if it DID turn out to be a hard drive issue, I might well be able to sort it nevertheless.”
He started on a favourite anecdote “There was a woman came in here last year, everything seized up. No-one could get to the bottom of it. Eventually I had to do a housecall. I got right under her desk and I was able to sort her out from the back end”
“Wow!” Gwendoline was impressed
“So she didn’t mind about the computer after that then?”
“Sometimes, you have to just get stuck in. And other times…Well!” he laughed, another anecdote surfacing in his memory “Another customer, her hard drive was no more. She’d been quoted God knows how much to sort it. She came to me, and do you know, a quick bang on the desk and all was well! She was happy as Larry”
Gwendoline was most impressed. She was sure she had come to the right place.
“How’s your memory?” Sven asked her. Gwendoline looked baffled “Fine, I think”
“You might be a bit full” (She certainly looked it)
“If I could just get to see it I might be able to free up some space and that would get everything going”
“What? Really?”
“Yes. I could give you some megabytes”
Gwendoline’s hand flew to her neck. “Now there’s an idea!”
“But really I need to be hands-on”
That was something she could relate to.
They agreed that he would come to her house, and see if he could get everything going again.
Gwendoline was not disappointed. Sven arrived and in no time at all had indeed got under her desk and helped her out. Everything was freed up, Gwendoline ended up with megabytes she hadn’t had before. He showed her the proper use of the Insert key, and soon her locked Shift was off. She no longer wanted to Escape, and indeed savoured the new memory for a long time.