The Little Chuffington Annual Dog Show was not Crufts. More a Crafts Show than a Crufts Show. In addition to the dogs there were marquees of stalls where local people sold small painted signs in pastel colours which read things like “I’m the boss round here and I have my wife’s permission to say so” and ridiculously expensive handmade dangly Christmas decorations. They were bought by large blousy women dressed in voluminous drapey mushroom coloured cardigans, with massive arty necklaces and a higher incidence of scarfage than in the general population.
For Delphine it was all about the dogs, though. She executed a chicaine around the stall offering to create a child’s name in pastel-coloured wooden letters, and the one selling variations on gold-sprayed pine cones for Christmas decorations.
She was drawn to the main marquee by the combination of snoofling, gruffling and wuffing noises (punctuated by the odd visceral howl)and the collective smell of scores of dogs and their coiffed and perfumed owners.
It was the most popular marquee and was very crowded. As Delphine looked around her eye was caught by a young man with a particularly splendid cocker spaniel attached to his lead.. Delphine was a sucker for a winsome cocker, and immediately made her way over to him.
“Can I stroke your cocker?” she asked shyly, glancing up at him through her lush lashes.
How could he refuse? Or why?
“Oh go ahead!” he said warmly (he was wearing a thick jumper) “he loves it”
Delphine gave it a good stroking, noticing how the cocker enjoyed it. She then tickled it underneath. But it soon became rather too excited, so, with a smile of thanks to the man, she moved on.
She wanted to have a peke at some poodles, but in the crowded tent she couldn’t find them, and pushed past the Lhasa Apsos, the Malamutes and the Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retrievers until eventually in despair she stopped a woman with a pinscher, a bitch who refused to help. This was disconcerting: Delphine had expected dogging people to be friendlier: She had understood that they welcomed everyone without question, or so it was suggested on the website. However she was resolved to get the poodles and finally she pushed her way through a tight throng of people and there she saw them: All the poodles and poodle crosses… labradoodles, Schauzerdoodles, St Berdoodles, even a Staffordshire Bullpoodle. She was fascinated, and after a few minutes she noticed a handsome man in the crowd and she eased her way over to him. He was standing with one hand in the pocket of his tight jeans, and the other behind him.
“Have you got your cocker there?” she asked him
“Oh ! No, I was just putting my phone back in my pocket”
Delphine smiled at him again, and he noticed how the light through the canvas roof played on her hair, like a crowd of children in a sandpit.
“Are you into dogs?” he asked
“I love all their different body shapes, the different breeds. I’m really into doggy style”
“Are you now?” he replied, with a grin. “In that case would you like to see a mastiff?”
Delphine hesitated for a moment: she hadn’t realised he was Italian.
“I’m holding it out of the way because it’s so big”
Delphine nodded. She really did want to see it. her excitement at the prospect gave her cheeks a winsome flush, which the man misinterpreted as nerves
“You can stroke him. It’ll be fine. He knows how to be gentle. But it’s so crowded here. Let’s go somewhere quieter where he can really play around”
They managed to push their way through the crowd and out of the marquee. Delphine was awestruck at how the man could part a crowd with a mastiff. Once they had broken through the crush, they walked round the back of the marquee where there was open space and nobody around.
“There. Now you can see him in all his glory”
He certainly was magnificent. He had been well rubbed down and now shone with health and vigour in the late afternoon sun. Delphine gave him a stroke, and realised that although he responded keenly, he was not crazy as the cocker.
“He wants to be off the leash” the man said, “Do you think I should let him?”
Delphine was hesitant, but keen to see the beast move. “If you think you can control him” she said, breathless with excitement.
“I’m not sure I can” said the man, his eyes glittering, as if a small child had put glitter in them. “But he wouldn’t hurt anyone”
He unclipped the lead, and they watched the great beast surge forward. Delphine gasped. She had realised that there was more than one massive beast surging forward. The man turned to her
“I once had a bichon frize” he whispered, leaning towards her, “but you’re much more my type, a bichon heat”
Delphine heart was thumping in her chest. This meant that the basics of life were being maintained, and she had no need to worry
“Can I hold him?” she asked. The man nodded “He’s quite a pointer”
“He’s so strong!” she exclaimed “I had no idea”
“You can chow down if you like” he hinted “If you look closely you’ll see a ridgeback”
Delphine looked, and she did manage to make that out…What a beast! As fast as a Whippet, as strong as a Rottweiler, as tenacious as a Doberman, but as gentle as a Spaniel. And such agility! It could leap over, duck under, rush into tunnels. All with such enthusiasm. And then he gave her the most enthusiastic licking she had ever known!