Mind my plums!

It was a hazy spring afternoon when Davina entered the green grocer’s shop. The light slanted in between the notices stuck on the window, – MeLon’ s £1-99 and in one corner BICYCLE FOR SALE 27″ frame £20, and MAN & VAN, with telephone numbers. Plum’s the greengrocer had been at the centre of village life for a long time, and fulfilled many functions, not just the supply of your Five-a-day to whomsoever might be interested.
Since moving to the village, Davina’s intake of fruit and veg had escalated astonishingly. This was not due to a conscious decision to eat more healthily. It was due to her seeking an excuse to visit as often as possible. It was quite close to her flat, so she could manage to spread her purchases thinly, buying a little something at a time. She had come to love the feel of the rustly paper bags, of a succulent pear in the palm of her hand. The proprietor, a young man who was keeping on the family business, had decided she must be a health food obsessive, always wanting her fruit as fresh as possible. And that was fine, because he liked serving her. She always dressed very nicely too, though she seemed impervious to cold. Even on chilly days she rarely wore a coat, and often appeared in a vest top. He supposed she was also keen on keeping fit.

In fact Davina was a recent convert to the joys of intensive fruitage. She had at first just come to the shop out of curiosity and orientation to her new home. She asked for apples, – unable at the time to think what else to all for. The green grocer had stepped forward out of the shadows and been handsome at her. Quite powerfully. And it had had an immediate effect, so that when she said “a bag of apples please” and he had replied “what do you like? Cox?” She had become covered with confusion and had to go outside for a few moments, feigning a coughing fit.

She recovered herself, and got her apples to take home. It was very first experience of Cox like this, – in a brown paper bag, and it was as delicious an experience as the apples themselves. Next time she went in, a little shyly, and asked for the next kind of fruit on her then short list; pears.
The lovely green grocer had smiled at her again, and his hand her brushed hers as he handed over the brown paper bag. “I always say you can’t beat a lovely juicy pear.” She was almost sure he had winked.

As time had passed, her requests had become more adventurous, and her outfits smaller and tighter. She bought potatoes with the earth still on, and then asked him to clean it, “Can you make the earth removed for me please?” She asked him about his plums, and he generously let her feel them first.
By the time she asked for his advice on melons, she was dressed in a vest top so tight that from some angles it was possible to read her bra size through the taut fabric. She hoped the green grocer, expert as he appeared to be with succulent fruits, would not need to see the label to confirm what he could judge with his eyes.
She stood in the busy shop, breathless with excitement, watching him deftly reaching for a leek, adjusting his courgettes, talking effortlessly with the customers. She hung back, professing indecision, until everyone else has been served. “I’m interested in your melons” she said. “Can you advise me?”
He gave her that smile again, and she felt the sensations stirring within…She thought she could hear her blood circulating, rushing through her ears on its way to other, more secret places….

“I certainly can” he answered. “I’m a great man for the melons myself.” He lifted a cantaloupe gently with one strong hand, and lifted it up for her to see. “You have to handle them very gently…they bruise easily, do melons, especially when they are ripe…and juicy, and -” he shot a lingering glance at her chest – “ready to burst”
“I’m sure you’re right” she whispered, her voice failing in her throat.
“Should I get just the one, or would I be better with two?”
He put the melon on a scale, and reached for another. “I always say, why have one melon when you could have two”
She nodded, her mouth dry. “I’ll take those then”
“Anything else?”
She felt as though she stood at the brink; it was more or never…
“Can I see a courgette, maybe?”
Of course she could. He picked one out, and held out towards her. In an instant of pure passion she took a firm grip on it with one hand and pulled him towards her. They stood for a moment, the courgette firm and upright between them.
He reached past her and flicked the sign on the door to CLOSED and then allowed himself to be propelled backwards until he was leaning against a shelf covered in artificial grass, and still stacked with produce.
Davina was leaning against him, her succulent melons, still, he noticed, with the stalks on, were tempting him beyond endurance. And since he could not endure that, he gave in to it, dropping his courgette and unwrapping the melons (he was glad these did not rustle) and checking them for ripeness. They were, as he had expected, perfect. She leaned harder against him, and they tipped back into the shelf, which was fortunately strongly built, like him. “Mind my plums!” He cried. The contents of the shelf tumbled away across the floor. She didn’t mind his plums, at all.
Suddenly she looked surprised ” what’s happened to your courgette?”
He laughed “that’s the thing about a courgette…in no time at all, with the right conditions, it turns into a marrow!”

Marilyn gets her ticket clipped

The 21.47 from Lechlade was running a little late. This was fortunate as Marilyn was too. She had run, teetering along the station approach, clattered over the bridge, wobbled dangerously down the wrought iron steps (so tricky with stilettos) and staggered, gasping and unsteady through the doors of the carriage as they were shutting. Luckily the nearest seat was free and she collapsed into it. She was so busy getting her breath back that she failed to notice the carriage’s only other occupant.
He, however had noticed her. He noticed the precariously high heels (so flattering!) the tightness of her dress, the heaving of her bosom as she recovered herself. Strictly speaking, as he did not think in Victorian terms, he had noticed the heaving of her bosoms, which was much more in accordance with his way of thinking. It was very satisfactory. THEY were very satisfactory. He was still in full agreement with himself on this when she looked up and saw him staring.

Marilyn didn’t mind this at all. In fact she was rather glad that her efforts getting the buttons done up on the front of the dress had been worthwhile. She smiled back, and then opened her magazine, pausing now and again to settle herself into her seat, an action which involved a surprising amount of chest lifting. The man across the carriage was surprised, certainly.

She glanced at him over her magazine from time to time. He was casually dressed, young, with hair which flopped across his forehead. She noticed that: it indicated a lack of body. Indications can be deceptive though, as her next glance showed him to have plenty of body.
That very next glance also showed him to have been looking at her at the same time! She allowed a flicker of a hint of a smile to play across her lips (which were luscious, of course) like a cellist with a large instrument between his thighs, before glancing away in a manner intended to be teasing. It worked. It teased. Marilyn was good at this, and after a few more moments she reached into her bag and drew out a sandwich. The man was impressed: he had not expected her to be an artist as well.
She ate it carefully, taking tiny girlish nibbles, and licking her lips (which were, as mentioned, luscious) frequently. A crumb dropped down her front, bouncing on her frontage and from that delicious launchpad, careening down until it encountered a gap between the straining buttons. The gap engulfed it into the warm depths of her capacious cleavage. The man watched, mesmerized, entertaining hitherto unexpected dreams of life as a crumb, and all the opportunities it might offer.
These opportunities expanded as she, whilst exploring the inviting crevasse in pursuit of the crumb, suddenly exposed the buttons to stresses they were not designed to take, and the front of her dress burst open. At that moment the opportunities for a fulfilling career as a crumb were not the only thing which expanded: lo and behold the man was soon fidgeting in his seat as well.
“Oh gosh, look at me!” Exclaimed Marilyn unnecessarily. She began to try to flick off the crumb, now attached to one swelling bosom. This had the effect of seeing up a resonance frequency amongst the contents of her dress, and causing further agitation across the carriage.
“May I help you?” The man asked, in a voice which seemed surprisingly squeaky. She looked slightly surprised, but then he held out a paper tissue. Marilyn, though all ready to be outraged at his forwardness, then was immediately disappointed by his politeness. She took the tissue and began to dab at the crumb.
Suddenly, because trains have a sense of narrative and an understanding of the human condition, the carriage jolted severely, and Marilyn going herself thrown across the aisle. With only a minimum of contrivance on her part she managed to fall into the lap of the young floppy haired man opposite. Not so floppy now!
He was obliged by circumstances and inclination to steady her with both his arms, which was particularly useful as only moments later they entered a tunnel.
“Oh my goodness!” Exclaimed Marilyn, several times at intervals, and with a range of different inflections.
It was a long tunnel. Which was almost what Marilyn said after she stopped saying “Oh my goodness!” and which seemed to please the young man a great deal. In fact Marilyn herself seemed to please the young man a great deal too.
The errant crumb got lost in all this…but it was not missed. The buttons went astray too, and it was lucky Marilyn had a cardigan to wrap herself in afterwards. Her magazine ended up torn and scattered across the floor, the rest of her sandwich forgotten.
As for the young man, he found himself enjoying the experience of a tunnel. In a tunnel. He had been a railway enthusiast since boyhood, but in all his childish fantasies he had never imagined exploring sidings, touching a set of points, the pounding of pistons, the building pressure of steam, the exhilarating whistle of the express! He had never clipped a ticket like Marilyn.

Leonora enjoys Talk Like A Pirate Day…

Leonora stirred her drink in a desultory fashion. She didn’t know the word, but she could do the action. The bar was turning out to be not as described “a bustling social hub at the very heart of the Singles Scene”, but in fact a rather tragic place. It was quiet in the way that a railway station is quiet when there is only one train still due to stop there before it closes for the night.

Her makeup (and there was a LOT of it) was starting to shows signs of age: the generous layers of foundation developing the sort of crackleglaze look which oil paintings take centuries to acquire. Her “smokey eyes”, carefully designed some hours earlier to entice and ensnare, were apparently sliding down into her lower lids, giving her the look of a prizefighter who has just lost the big match.

All of a sudden she heard a new, different voice in the room. A big, deep, throaty voice. It was resonant of wide open spaces, fresh air and Gauloises, with the latter having the real say in the end result. It thrummed with testosterone, and Leonora thought it VERY sexy, and immediately a wiggle came back into all of her moves
She looked up, hastily wiping the dregs of makeup from under her eyes with a serviette, and took in the view.

He was tall, broad-shouldered and barrel-chested, and dressed strikingly in a tattered leather jerkin, baggy trousers and boots.
He saw her looking at him, and growled “Hiyaaaaargh!” His voice was so loaded with male hormones that he seemed like a rutting stag, and indeed it was clear, despite the bagginess of his trousers,that no-one could challenge him on the horn front

Leonora was drawn like a magnet to him. She stood up, all slackness and depression gone, and crossed the bar towards him. Everything about her strutted, wiggled and almost pinged loose. The effect was only momentarily spoiled by the intervention of alcohol and stilettos which can combine to undermine a good strut. She recovered brilliantly, and her stumble gave the mystery man the perfect excuse to dash forward, throw a muscular arm around her waist and help her up.
Once she was upright and back in full strut, wiggle and ping mode, he failed to let go. Instead her gathered her closer, his aforesaid muscley arm clenching around her waist (which we shall call “slender” for the purposes of the artistic ideal) and pressing her close, so that through lycra, coarse linen and leather, their two fleshes could sense each other.

Things were happening fast inside Leonora: she looked up at him, lips strategically parted, and said “Hi”

The mystery man instantly pressed lips hard against hers: the passion was intense, but his breath smelt beery and he actually bruised her lip. It was wonderful!
“Oh gosh!!!” Leonora whispered hoarsely (NOT horsely. that would be very different)” Are you a pirate or something?”

“Haharrrr!” was his response, and his free arm swung a tankard up high, toasting things generally
“I am that! And would you like to feel the tip of my sworrrrd?”
Leonora squirmed excitedly, still held in his strong grip “I think I can!”
He sat down abruptly on a chair which was (luckily) behind him, pulling her onto his lap
“Sit astrrride my prrrow, young miss!” he cried, and sat her across his legs “You can be my figurrrrrehad!”
She giggled and ran her fingers through his curly hair. He looked surprised, not having realised his trousers were undone.
“But I’m facing the wrong way for a figurehead!” Leonora said
“Oh! Now you preferrrr the otherrrr way about do you miss?” he replied, “Forrrre and aft!” and deftly twisted her round so she sat astride his legs the other way. “Get yourrrr beam end round here. I like avast behind!” The rutting stag image rose in her mind, just as the stag’s horn rose in his trousers.

What a night that was! She was soon abaft the beam. Leonora had never experienced such passion in the crow’s nest, nor such attention to her barnacles. He came at her broadside, and found a welcome in her poop deck. She heaved to, he slipped an oilskin on his bowsprit, and soon her porthole was wide.

Eventually they were both becalmed.
“Aaarrrrrrrh!” he murmured contentedly, languidly stroking her luffs….